What a decade. I was in my twenties for the majority of the
last ten years and it’s amazing how many times things change.
In 2010 I was working as a cleaner, never going to go to
university. I had applied for and then withdrawn an application to join the
Navy a few years before. I had trained as a plumber and gas fitter and couldn’t
find work/further training due to the recession and the collapse of Rover. I took
the cleaning job to get off the dole. I had also recently started on Citalopram
for the treatment of depression. I had dreadlocks, a boyfriend in a rock band,
crippling depression, and no plan for the future.
By the end of 2010, I had split up with said boyfriend (who
dumped me whilst I was in recovery from having my tonsils removed and had a
severe infection which rendered me bed-bound for three weeks, but not before he
had cheated on me), and I had enrolled as a geology undergraduate at the place
where I worked.
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| Ah, Snobs. |
In 2011 my niece and nephew were born, and my depression continued
to fluctuate. I was sent home from fieldwork and Momma P had to drive to South
Wales to pick me up. I flunked some first year exams, just about scraped a
pass, and then decided to move out for second year.
Early 2012. Second year. I had two boyfriends at the same
time and a squeeze on the side. I then had a monumental breakdown, dropped out
of uni, somehow managed to find someone to move in to take my place in the
house and I moved back home. It was both the best and worst year of my life.
Not long after moving home my brother and I had a massive row with our dad, who
then proceeded to hold me against the wall by my throat and told me “no child
of mine is a drop out”. I was homeless for a bit and sofa surfed for a few
weeks before finally giving up and going home. I started new medication. I had
to get a job as I couldn’t claim benefits, so I started working as a cleaner in
a local pub. It is still a contender for the worst job ever. I quit after two
months.
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| Kyle and I on one of our many adventures |
2013. I had by this time decided that I should go back to
uni, to finish what I started. It was horrible. Going into a new year group,
trying to pick up where I started, meeting new people and trying to make new
friends and slot in. It was hell. The depression had given way to crushing
anxiety and I was determined to get better and do better. In the summer I spent
seven weeks on the Isle of Arran for my dissertation project and it was the
most fun I’d had in a long time. When I got back, I started volunteering with a
geological conservation group at a local park. In November we went on fieldwork
to Spain and all I really remember is vodka, and a nightclub on the beach.
2014. A big year. Another bout of depression and I decided
to defer my final exams and dissertation submission. I had extensions on just
about everything. I quit one of my jobs because my anxiety was so bad and I attended
careers fairs as if I knew what I wanted. Somehow I finally did my exams and
passed with a 2:1 BSc Hons in Geology. I graduated in December. Despite me
going to my friends summer graduations that year, none of them could be
bothered to come to mine. That hurt.
Me and Momma P went to LDN in 2014, so we could see a baby
mammoth. We got a very early coach and we walked a lot.
2015. I was on the dole, and so I took a job as a cleaner,
at another university. I quit after three months. I then started a job as a
seasonal site surveyor, with a white van. It was 40 hours a week but I regularly
did 60+. I got threatened with shotguns fairly often, and got chased off a farm
by a farmers wife on a quad bike. My anxiety was absolutely through the roof. I
had a holiday booked and ended up being signed off sick for a month instead. I
finished this job on my birthday, and then I joined a conservation volunteer
group at the Lickey Hills. I took lots of selfies with horses this year.
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| Sick leave. |
The first five years of the decade had been an absolute
roller coaster and I never want to repeat it. My mental health was all over the
place, I was borrowing money off friends to avoid going on the dole (thanks
Oli), my debts were spiralling, my options for the future looking bleak. I had
decided to move away from geology for lots of reasons and although sometimes I think
it was a waste of time, everything I did has led to today and taught me a lot.
I wouldn’t change lots of things.
In 2016 on the back of my volunteering I was offered a
chance to undertake a traineeship with the Birmingham and Black Country
Wildlife Trust. It was a shock, going from 28k a year to 9k. It was also a
difficult place to work – not quite an apprentice but not quite staff, not very
much support from a mentor, and an awful workplace attitude to mental health. I
nearly quit a few months in when a job came up at the Lickeys, but decided to
stay and complete the year. I am glad I did, but I also had a month off sick
and then took an extension, so I didn’t finish until the end of May when
everyone else finished in March. This is also the year that I sliced my thumb
open, and trained to use a chainsaw. It was very much a year of learning as
much as possible. I did lots of one day courses to improve my knowledge and
wherever possible I kept up with volunteering. At the end of 2016, David
finally succumbed to my charms after literal years of me trying to get his
attention.
By 2017 I had pretty much turned my back on geology and lots
of other things. The traineeship had opened lots of doors in other sectors and I
started working as a seasonal ranger. I then got another job as a seasonal
ranger – in Nottingham. I interviewed, drove home, and literally five minutes
after walking through the door, I got a phone call offering me the job. I loved
this job. Absolutely, truly, massively, loved it. I was trained to drive a
compact tractor, drive with a trailer, brushcutter & strimmer, and also how
to drive a dumper truck. I led school sessions, we had office dogs, and I also
had chainsaw refresher training. I learnt so much at this job, and also got
lots of people into trouble.
At the end of 2017 I needed a job for winter before I went
back to Notts, so I interviewed for a part time job at the University of
Birmingham and was offered full time. It was fucking awful. I had an anxiety
attack nearly every day before I went to work and would have a full blown panic
attack when I got to work. I quit not long after starting, and decided I would
never have anything to do with UoB again. After all I have done for that place,
and after all it has done for me, it is nothing but a hellhole of a toxic
place.
In 2018 I went back to Rushcliffe for a second season and
did the full nine months. I decided to not go back for a third year as the
commuting was killing me and my car. I had to have a new clutch assembly and
brakes, I was having a full annual service every four months, and I also
developed back, hip and foot problems from all the sitting and driving. A job
came up with TCV in Birmingham, and I interviewed on my penultimate day at
Rushcliffe. The day after I finished, I was offered the job. I had five weeks
of unemployment over christmas but enough money to see me through, and I started
my new job in January 2019. In October whilst on holiday, David fell over after
a walk and asked me to marry him. In 2018 we also adopted Taffy-cat from Cramar
Cat Rescue.
2019 was an adventurous year. David broke lots of bones and
discovered he has extra knees. I started a new job. I spent lots of time and
money on the allotment, and I revived this blog. I’ve been quite tired,
mentally and physically this year, for lots of reasons, but! I did a whole year
without being signed off sick.
So now it is January 2020, and I am gearing up to go back
after my christmas break. What. A. Year.
It has been fun, exhausting, challenging, tiring, stressful,
expensive, interesting, funny, but above all, great fun. I have learnt SO much
and at times it has been very difficult keeping my head up and staying afloat.
I have nearly quit four times in the last year and my boss has felt the same. I
wanted a challenging job but I didn’t expect it to be this challenging. It is
my first full time permanent job where I’ve actually done a full year. I love
my volunteers and am so proud of how far they’ve grown and developed, and I’m
proud of what they’ve learnt. This year I am going to build on this, and
hopefully start two new sites up in South Birmingham.
This year will bring a lot of change. David and I are
preparing to move in together which involves trying to get a mortgage. I have
had a wee health scare following a routine smear test and am awaiting further
investigation at the hospital. At some point we might get married, but the next
stage of the plan is to get a place to live. My allotment is going from
strength to strength and last year was my ten year anniversary of having Plot
31.
Overall this past decade has been all over the shop. Lots of
lows, but loads of highs. Lots of ‘wtf’ moments. Lots of ‘this is the best idea
ever’ moments. Tractor driving was a helluva lotta fun, as was the dumper
truck. I have given evidence for two work based investigations into misconduct,
I have had countless job interviews, and I have driven literally thousands of
miles and spent fucking ages on the M42. David and I have spent the last three
years travelling all over England to lots of places and this year I want to get
him to Scotland. I am excited for what this year brings, but I feel it is going
to be most expensive.
In the last decade I have;
·
Had dreadlocks for 7.5 years. It took three
weeks to comb them out.
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Got engaged.
·
Had an allotment for ten years.
·
Had 12 jobs.
·
Learnt to crochet.
·
Attempted to have a business selling things I’d
made but then gave it up.
·
Been to 151 gigs.
·
Been on at least seven roadtrips with Kyle, mostly
to see Dave Hause or Patent Pending.
·
Got a degree.
·
Learnt to wield chainsaws.
·
Took out a bank loan and bought my car, but am
still paying off the bank loan.
·
Flew to Croatia to see Less Than Jake.
Doris-car and I have driven to lots of places since I had
her in 2015. We have been to;
·
Dorset
·
Devon, loads
·
Cornwall
·
Lake District
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Arran
·
London
·
Nottingham, loads
·
Sheffield
In four years she has done over 53,000 miles.
It’s been quite an adventurous ten years. The roadtrips with
Kyle were just madness and there are so many memories attached to them. Getting
adopted by some Glaswegians and not paying for drinks all night, missing most
of the gig, then getting kicked out of a ‘Spoons. Driving to Blackpool to see
the sunset over the sea but getting stuck in traffic instead and missing it.
Whatever the fuck happened at Portsmouth on the last night of tour. Meeting
everyone at Dave gigs. Dodgy club gigs in Soho. Midnight McDonalds and 2am
Krispy Kreme donuts.
I’ve been on medication for the last decade for the
treatment of depression and anxiety and am showing no signs of being allowed
off them any time soon.
So, 2010s, you’ve been horrible yet fun and very ‘character
building’. I never want to repeat you, but I’m glad you happened the way you
did. Now fuck off.
