So, I’m 30 now. I am still full of anxiety and panic about
this. I still feel useless, full of imposter syndrome, sad, lost, old, achey. I
still feel unaccomplished and like I’ll never amount to anything.
I have decided that I need to make some pledges to myself to
live a happier, calmer, more relaxed, less target driven life. I am doing this
to slow down, to take control, to readdress my work/life balance, to enjoy
things as they are right now. One day at a time.
For my 30th year I pledge to;
- Spend less time on social media. I spend far too much time
aimlessly scrolling. Sometimes it inspires me, sometimes it makes me laugh,
sometimes I share cartoons with people, but overall it doesn’t really add
anything to my life and I am constantly distracted by it. So, less social
media. More time engaging in things that fulfils me.
- Make time for things I enjoy. This means several things.
- I want to spend more time at my allotment, getting dirty,
getting fresh air, being outside, watching the world grow and develop and pass
through the seasons. I will spend at least two hours a week at the allotment,
doing Something. My list of winter jobs is growing ever longer and I want 2019
to be my most productive allotment year yet.
- I am currently working on several craft projects. I have
four blanket works-in-progress. I have a wreath project. I have a list of
things I want to do and make for people in my life. I want to learn new crochet
skills and practice what I already have. I want to hook slow & die cold.
Crochet is a meditation for me and taking time out to chill and slow down is
often a perfect remedy for a busy life.
- Following on from this, I want to make new friends. I don’t know
how to make friends. I never leave the house unless I’m going to work. I joined
a new crochet group earlier this year and I have yet to go to a meet up. I pledge
to attend once a month (Yolanda you may need to remind me of this!)
- I am going to feel better about myself and I am going to
take steps to make myself feel better about myself. I hate myself. I hate my
body, I hate my belly, I hate my chunky thighs. I hate my double/treble chin
and my podgy face.
- I am going to exercise more often. I have started going
swimming again this year after my local leisure centre was knocked down and
rebuilt. I only aim for 10 lengths, and for me this is a good target. I enjoy
getting out and spending time with my momma. I like doing something. I like swimming.
I am also starting to hula hoop more often, aiming for three times a week. I want
to start a pilates class but keep finding excuses. From November I will stop
making excuses and I will go to pilates at least once a month.
I will start slow and build up – I know how good I am at
saying I’m going to do something and then not doing it because I’ve built
myself up to a huge task but don’t know how to start. Small steps lead up to a
big leap.
I also want to use this year, this decade, to learn new
skills and to develop myself. I really want to become good at green woodworking
but I never practice it. I am going to look at courses so I can learn how to
hold a knife properly without taking a chunk out of my thumb. I am going to
start practicing more.
I also pledge to do more that makes me happy. Currently this
involves buying Disney movie soundtracks and listening to them while I drive.
No shame.
Living a simple life also means that I have made the
decision to dye my hair brown, and to let my hair relax and grow and be healthy
without being bleached every eight weeks.
