I try not to live my sad depressed life online, but I am a
sad & depressed person, who sometimes just needs to whine and feel a bit
sorry for myself.
I am a bit all over the place at the moment. I am becoming
more a recluse and I don’t like it, but I don’t know how to stop it. I get
tickets to gigs with friends and then bail at the last minute and although lots
of it are for genuine reasons, sometimes I just feel like shit and can’t face
facing people who have their shit together. I do still hold onto the life
limiting statement of “I should…” and I can’t let that go.
So I’m going to turn it on its head.
I should look after myself.
I should make proper, long, happy, relaxed and meaningful
time for David.
I should make time for friends and not keep fobbing them off
cuz I’m in a bad mood.
I should forgive myself for things I have / haven’t done or
said. I am not perfect. I am human.
I should accept that sometimes I am in need of rest and recuperation,
and that I cannot operate at the same pace of lots of other people.
I should accept that I won’t always be someones first choice
and that it’s not my fault.
To my friends; I’m sorry I can’t keep up. This year with the
commuting has really taken its toll on me, my car, my life, my finances, my
energy levels. I know I have cut people off and out and I feel incredibly
guilty for doing that.
Going forward I want to spend more time with people. I want
reasons to leave the house that aren’t work related (what does that feel
like?!).
Change is a big thing happening right now and it’s all positive,
but it’s also overwhelming. Please be patient with me.
